The Adventures of a Middle Kid
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A Muse on "Adulting" and Lyme Recovery

4/5/2018

1 Comment

 
I got home from a quick trip into our little town after mailing a package and dropping into the School Corporation building to fill out the necessary paperwork to get our Farmer's Market cleared to use the School Corp. parking lot--our location for the last, oh, I don't know, decade maybe? 

I took over the Market Master position last year...but the previous Market Master had already taken care of this legal aspect, so I was facing a new experience. I was slightly nervous about it for several reason, not least possibly being the fact that I've hardly been out of the house for months now as I continue to deal with a re-occurring foot infection that for two weeks out of three keeps me strictly shoe-less. So, boldly walking in on strangers and "adulting" caused some slight apprehension. Silly, I know...but the truth.

Anyway, I got home from said quick trip...and as I plunked my wallet down on my desk, I declared to Katherine (who was practicing her piano), "Well, I adulted and it was fairly painless."

She almost laughed and said, "It usually is."

And you know what? She is right. It usually is pretty painless to behave like I'm my age. To face a stranger over a business proposition with my head up and my shoulders back. I may not look beautiful or graceful, but honesty and a grin never hurt anybody. 

I was talking to my mom this morning some about how each of us, even my parents, deal with "moving on" as we begin to function on a higher plane the more we beat our Lyme and Co. When I was diagnosed, I was 22. I am now 26. Those four years in between...large chunks of them are missing. I lived through them (obviously, I'm not dead) and I even did things like working a Farmer's Market every weekend June through September...and a reenactment here and there. But, so much of that time was lost. I aged, without necessarily my mind getting any older. (So don't mind me when I act a little too young. I just haven't caught up to myself yet. ;D) I lost social skills I once had...

Beyond that, there is an emotional "loss". Like I said to my mom, it's like there are emotions there, underneath the flatness, but you just can't quite reach them. (Other days, you sit and cry for no logical reasons.) And then the anxiety--which can cause undue and ridiculous (if you aren't the person living it) stress over even very simple things--perhaps having to get out and pump gas. 

We have to relearn how to deal with emotions, good and bad. We have to relearn how to face stressful situations. We have to learn how to live again. Really live. Not just breathe, eat, and sleep. 

Relearn how to read and absorb information. To read a sewing pattern. To play instruments and sing. To follow through with a task (oh what a biggie this one is!) To step outside our comfort zone.

To adult. 

To walk into a building of complete strangers, standing straight and tall, with a smile and no stuttering as we inform them why this funny looking girl with the black-leggings, denim skirt and red cabled sweater has just intruded into the peace of a beautiful lobby.

It's getting easier. 

I only regret that the "G" I wrote on the paper was so wobbly. A capital "G" is the worst looking letter in my handwriting's vocabulary. 

     Racheal

1 Comment
Mum
4/27/2018 08:14:14 am

This is the part that those that have not walked this journey will never understand. The part about losing parts of your life, and life skills, and trying to, in many cases relearn or reapply, what was once fairly simple. Socially, you were the most outgoing, and walking in and taking care of this kind of business would have been easy for you. And yes, even the simple tasks like putting gas in the car, can create an anxiety moment. Why? What causes this? The simple answer is bacteria in the brain. Get the bacteria out and the brain will recover. Sounds simple doesn't it....Except for that big gap of time it has taken to get all the lingering bacteria out, leaves one with what you have done well to describe. Keep fighting the bacteria and keep "adulting" and Lord willing, in another short while, you might be able to catch up with yourself. You will never be able to regain those lost years, but you are young enough that hopefully, soon you will be able to move on fully with your life and in the scope of all of your life, it will fade into a distant memory.

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    New post on The Bee Project! 04/26/18
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    The Middle Kid

    I chose to title this blog "The Adventures of a Middle Kid" because that is exactly what I'll be detailing (mostly). I chose 'kid' over any other word, like 'girl' (I am the middle girl so it also would have worked) or 'child'
    (since I am no longer exactly a child).

    I am a middle kid and I will always be a middle kid--even when I'm 80!

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