It's been awhile since I've written one of these posts...but it's been awhile since I have been this herxy. I was doing better until I realized I wasn't. I mean, I am better than I was this time last year, but I had essentially plateaued again. I'm about 95% sure that my main area of fight currently should be addressed toward mold, rather than Lyme and Co, so we are addressing it with various of the Cowden program leftovers and extras currently...and boy, have I ever felt it!
I was hoping those days of dissolving into tears for illogical reasons were over, but I guess not.
Nobody made me start sewing. No one even asked me to. I decided I would try to reduce one pile in the living room by finishing up some of these unfinished aprons, thus cleaning up a little and actually accomplishing something at the same time.
So why, all of a sudden, sitting at the machine, did I begin to feel stressed out? Why did I eventually begin to have those tears pool and finally spill over?
Well...the table I was sewing at is too high for me--it makes my back hurt a little. My fingernails were too long. My clothes aren't comfortable. My neck felt tight. My thumb, which I already had an issue with before I cut it deeply last Thursday, was, while not painful, just uncomfortable. The noise of the machine sounded too loud.
All of these are silly reasons to cry.
Normally.
Not when herxing though. It's not self-pity either somehow. It's just a sensation that one cannot handle life. So tears. Tears help. I'm no longer ashamed of breaking down and crying for no good reason. I realize that God gives us relief, even from physically induced emotional stress, through tears.
I wept. I cut my fingernails (I had to get my sister to help me with one hand because of my thumb). And I felt, while not all better, much calmer of soul. For the present, at any rate....hopefully at least until tomorrow morning's dose of the same medicine. :)
I was hoping those days of dissolving into tears for illogical reasons were over, but I guess not.
Nobody made me start sewing. No one even asked me to. I decided I would try to reduce one pile in the living room by finishing up some of these unfinished aprons, thus cleaning up a little and actually accomplishing something at the same time.
So why, all of a sudden, sitting at the machine, did I begin to feel stressed out? Why did I eventually begin to have those tears pool and finally spill over?
Well...the table I was sewing at is too high for me--it makes my back hurt a little. My fingernails were too long. My clothes aren't comfortable. My neck felt tight. My thumb, which I already had an issue with before I cut it deeply last Thursday, was, while not painful, just uncomfortable. The noise of the machine sounded too loud.
All of these are silly reasons to cry.
Normally.
Not when herxing though. It's not self-pity either somehow. It's just a sensation that one cannot handle life. So tears. Tears help. I'm no longer ashamed of breaking down and crying for no good reason. I realize that God gives us relief, even from physically induced emotional stress, through tears.
I wept. I cut my fingernails (I had to get my sister to help me with one hand because of my thumb). And I felt, while not all better, much calmer of soul. For the present, at any rate....hopefully at least until tomorrow morning's dose of the same medicine. :)
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